It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
