Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
