If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My liver just had a heart attack.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
