you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I believe in your delicious
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
