fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
