looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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