"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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