also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
