I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
