So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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