U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
