Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
