No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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