At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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