it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
