ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
