Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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