good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
