after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
