so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
