I wish you could order shots online.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
