He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh god the rape fog is back!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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