eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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