That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
