If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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