Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
