Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
