PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
