So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
