I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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