What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think i got beer on your cat.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
