Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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