dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think your dad took our porno
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
