WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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