My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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