Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
