I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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