I could make wine with my vomit
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
