I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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