Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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