I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
