I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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