Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
