About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
