I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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