I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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