just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
