Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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