Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
