How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
