My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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