For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
