i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
