If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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