Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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