WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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