You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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