im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
