1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize