You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
