I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Life is so much better after having sex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
