I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
And then he peed in my hair
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