East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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