Someone shit on the floor
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
