i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
