need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love black thongs
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
