you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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