I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
