but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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