By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
