I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
