I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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