she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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