that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
this hospital has no fireball
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
