the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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