I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
