I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
