Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
